When I debated over my topic of choice for the 31 Days of October, 2013, I struggled to settle on the perfect topic. I was reluctant to make a choice. Honestly, I simply felt inadequate to do any topic justice.
That’s where grace found me.
You see, there is nothing I can write here that will ever be perfect. There is nothing I can say that will make the world a better place. There is nothing I can do to right all the wrongs.
With grace, we have a second chance.
Because of grace, we find hope.
When I began this soul searching, relationship building walk a few short years ago, I had no idea where it would take me. In that small span of time, I have traveled leaps and bounds. God has shown me amazing things – things he’s doing in my life and the lives of those around me, different ways to view things and people, how he can and is using me and my life and that he does have a plan for me.
I am here, by grace.
I am just a girl, imperfect in every way but beautiful, loved, forgiven by Him.
I am His daughter by grace.
The women’s ministry from our church chose this name, “Daughters by Grace“. At the time, I didn’t quite understand why we even needed a name. Maybe I still don’t but the truth is, I needed that name. I needed to hear that it was possible for me to be someone’s daughter, loved unconditionally, without having to give anything away or do anything to earn it.
After the name was chosen, a verse was chosen to be our go to verse.
Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen. 2 Peter 3:18
That verse was chosen to represent the goal of our women’s ministry – to grow – to grow in His grace, in His knowledge and to give Him all the glory. As He freely, without merit, gives us grace, we gain the ability to grow, to grow as Christians, to grow closer in our relationship with Him, to grow in our knowledge of who He is and what His plans are for our lives. Looking back now, I realize He has been growing me, drawing me closer to Him, pouring His grace into my life. To Him be all the glory!
Little did I know, this grace theme would repeat several more times in big ways.
At our women’s retreat this past fall, the theme of the retreat was grace. This wasn’t our own doing – we used a kit provided by another organization that puts out annual retreat kits. That was their topic but it was most definitely confirmation to me that God wanted to teach me about grace.
There have been songs – I’ve shared some with you this month. The words have comforted and cradled my heart and taught me more about grace. They’ve reminded me again and again that there is nothing I can do to earn His grace but He chooses to shower me in His grace because I am His. Just because I am His.
I admit this has not been an easy journey and as I write this today, on the last day (October 31, 2013) of this journey, I feel no more adequate than the day I first set foot on this path. I have struggled to write each day – sometimes failing to write at all and then catching up in a spare moment to put out several days at once. And honestly, some days were just too hard so I put thoughts aside and took an easy road with my post.
In the end, I find myself here…needing grace.
Needing anything is not something I care to have attached to me. This is a valuable lesson I learned yesterday. I realized for me to be needy – scares me. As much as I may truly need people, I am afraid to let them in. As a little girl, I felt like I was in a world alone. When I needed someone, they failed me. When I needed protection, I continued to be hurt. When I needed a hero, no one rushed in to save me. When I needed to sleep, I was overwhelmed by nightmares. When I needed love, I found all the wrong people. When I needed to be freed from the pain I was feeling, I turned to self-harm. When I needed anything or anyone, it only hurt more.
But that’s exactly what I need…grace.
So to walk this journey of grace and to hear over and over there is nothing I have done that is so bad or so wrong that mercy, love or forgiveness can’t make it better. To hear that grace meets us right where we are – in all the imperfect places. To learn that His love is unconditional, that I am growing in His grace and knowledge. To know I don’t have to do this alone anymore – to be truthful, it’s heavy. In some ways, I do find comfort in knowing that but at the same time, I realize I still have so far to go. I am still at a point where I am not quite sure how to accept that but I know it’s possible.
I am His daughter by grace.
With grace, I have hope.
In His grace, I will continue to walk this road, learning, living and giving Him the glory.
Thank you for accompanying me on this journey. May you walk this road knowing you too, are His daughter by grace!