Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
I am not at all without sin. In fact, I have had so much sin in my life that for most of it, I felt absolutely unworthy of any love from God. I turned away from Him in shame. I withheld prayers because I felt dirty. I cried out to God in anger because I was angry with myself, for my own bad choices. I blamed God for all the wrong in my life. I spent years miserable, soaking in my own world of self pity.
I thank God every day now that HE has brought me out of my own world of darkness and into His light – He has forgiven me. I thank Him for the beauty he puts before my eyes each and every day – beauty that for years, I couldn’t see. I thank Him for the man He placed in my heart to love me and to share my life with. I thank Him for the children whom He entrusts me with each day – even when they turn the house upside down, through the temper tantrums, the crumbs, the runny noses, the dirty diapers.
I thank Him for making the most unimaginable sacrifice anyone could make – saving me by allowing His own son, a man who did nothing wrong…ever, to suffer in tremendous pain, hanging on two slabs of wood, with metal shoved in his wrists, blood dripping from his brows, crying out “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34).
How could I not be thankful? How did I go through so many years with anger and darkness in my heart, missing out on all the glorious things surrounding me? How did I not wake up with His songs in my head and His words in my heart? How did I survive and why did Jesus have to die?
I have spent the past year doing some deep thinking and lots of growing. In that time, I have had to make some hard decisions. I have had to step out of my comfort zone and follow God’s lead. It’s a choice that took me too long to make but I am glad I did. In doing that, I have met new people, grown closer to my heavenly father and learned new things about myself. I am learning to trust myself. I have learned that in all this life, the ones God places in your life, to love and to take care of are most important. I have learned that living in His word, reading my Bible as much as possible and drowning myself in His glory is all I need to get me through each day.
I have learned that my life is headed in a direction I never imagined was possible. I have dreams of all the ways God can use me. I never thought God would use me – why would He?
I was broken.
I was damaged.
I was dirty.
I was angry.
I was depressed.
I was suicidal.
I was lonely.
I was afraid.
I was worried.
I was ashamed.
I was sad.
All that time, I failed to add one thing to that list, the ONE thing that mattered…
I was HIS! I was His daughter. I was His creation. I was His glory, His name, His word, His testimony …
I AM! I am God’s princess – and I can glorify Him with my actions, my words, my story, my life. I can choose to continue to grow and move forward, even when it means letting go. I can choose to walk next to Him, trusting Him, even when my feelings are hesitant. He has proven to me that I am worthy and that I am His!
I am thankful for He is what I need and He is my rock. I have spent most of my life trying to fit in. I’ve tried to fit into places that I was never going to fit in. I was really just fooling myself, trying to believe that I had to be here or there or I had to do this or that. I made bad choices and tried to impress the wrong people. I lived an ungodly life. I allowed myself to be hurt, putting myself in places and situations that I knew were wrong. I turned my back on God and lived my life the way I wanted to. I failed to let Him guide me. I failed to let Him lead me.
I am following Him.
He is leading me.
I am thankful.
I am His.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. Psalm 23:2-6
© The Imperfect Princess at theimperfectprincess.com