Category Archives: Trust

Unfortunate misconceptions…

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In usual fashion, this post is quite long…ramblings of a sort. I’m honored if you make it to the end. Words fill my heart and head. And when they start to flow, I don’t want to hold them back. I hope each of my words touch your heart and leave you with love and compassion in a cruel world.
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Misconception

In light of the recent tragedy in Orlando, Florida, I’ve heard of and witnessed many stories filled with or fueled by hate. I’ve also heard many stories of the outpouring of love and support for the families of the victims involved in the senseless murders of 49 people and the many others injured, forever scarred by evil desires. It’s a mixed up world we are in and unfortunately, in a time when we should all come together in support of one another, we remain divided, allowing anger to fester between us. These are my own thoughts. Feel free to comment with your thoughts as well, but leave hate out of it. There’s no room for anymore hate. Comments filled with hate, from any point of view, will be deleted.

Misconception – a view or opinion that is incorrect because it is based on faulty thinking or understanding.

Religion – “the belief in a god or group of gods; an organized system of beliefs, ceremonies, and rules used to worship a god or group of gods; an interest, a belief, or an activity that is very important to a person or group.

Tragedy – “an event causing great suffering, destruction, and distress, such as a serious accident, crime, or natural catastrophe.”

On September 11, 2001, thousands of people breathed their last breath. A country was impacted by the tragedy of violence, hate, and murder. A country mourned. The world mourned. We still mourn.

December 14th, 2012, in the peaceful town of Newtown, Connecticut, a young man walked into an elementary school and murdered 20 children and 6 adults. The children were 6 and 7 years old…still babies, learning to read and write, to dance, to share with one another, to walk in a line, to whisper, to live, to love. Their lives were invaluable to those who loved them but to that one young man, their lives were meaningless.

June 17th, 2015, in a small South Carolina church, a group prayed together. They welcomed a troubled young man into the church and prayed with him just before he took their lives. A tragedy of violence, hate, and murder.

On June 12th, 2016, at a night club in Florida, men and women danced, laughed, sang, and breathed their final breaths as a gunman ripped their lives away. A moment of terror left 49 dead and many others injured. Hundreds of lives, forever changed, by violence, hate, and murder.

It’s been said that many of these tragedies are done “in the name of religion.”

This is true. Many acts of hate and evil have been done “in the name of religion.” What this means is people, filled with hate towards a select group of men, women, or children, committed acts of horror, terror, violence, and murder and claimed to do so based their belief that in doing so, they would be fulfilling the desires of their god. When this happens, the unfortunate misconception is that religion is to blame. We lump all religions, every group of people who gather to worship a higher power, into one category. We label religion as evil. But that’s where we are wrong.

When religion is based strictly on a set of rules or laws that one believes must be met in order to receive salvation, that opens the door for competition, jealousy, anger, rage, and hate. It creates a need to “one-up.” It puts people in a position of attempting to attain the impossible … perfection. When religion is based solely on the grace and mercy of one man, sent from the Creator of the earth, we are humbled people, learning to extend compassion and forgiveness, understanding we are no better than any other, knowing we are all broken people in need. This removes ourselves from being the source of our own salvation and places that salvation in the wounded hands of the only Savior.

Not one of those lives stolen deserved to die that way. Not one. Not the youngest of the children at Sandy Hook, not the heroes who rushed into falling buildings to save the lives of others, not one man or woman based on their sexuality, their feelings, their desires, period. Not even the men who began their lives as one tiny heartbeat, 10 little toes and fingers, a light, soft swoop of hair on their head, raised and taught to hate to the point they would brutally torture and rape women, or sacrifice their own lives to selfishly and hatefully take the life another, in the name of religion. Not one of them should have died. Not one.

Let’s get something straight…

Religion did not carry a gun into the the flashing lights and crowded dance floors of a night club in Florida and the gun did not walk in there on its own. A man chose to allow anger and hate to fill his heart. He chose to carry guns inside a night club filled with people. He chose to murder many innocent men and women and forever change the lives of many others. A broken man. A man with empty places filled by hate. Religion is not to blame. Evil is. Religion did not fly a plane into the World Trade Center with the intent to kill thousands. Broken men did. Religion did not walk into a church, sit among a group of people as they prayed what would be their final prayers, and then rob them of another breath. A broken man did. Religion did not enter an elementary school, open fire on a terrified, helpless, innocent group of 6 and 7 year olds, and destroy the lives of many. A broken man did.

We are all broken. Hear me, we are ALL broken.

As broken people, we need each other. We need love, support, encouragement, hope, peace, faith. Each of us is designed to grieve, to mourn, to desire fulfillment, closeness, relationships, and more. But in a broken world, we are left empty in many of the places we need, so deeply, to be filled.

For some, those places are filled through work, friends, activities, addictions, religion, etc. Others find themselves filled through what most would call religion, but what I will call a relationship and faith. Faith in something better. Faith in a loving God. Faith in a God who became flesh to teach us, guide us, and love us. Faith in a grander place and a grand design. Faith in humanity. Hope.

A successful relationship comes from knowing someone. You learn about their character. You grow to understand them. Through prayer, through reading Scripture, I’ve been able to understand more about the God I believe created the world. I have learned He is a God of love, not hate. He is a just God, who will punish evil, but at the same time, reminds me to live with peace and unity among all, including those who have different beliefs, make different choices, live different lives, and even with my enemies. He instructs me to pray for my enemy, those who hurt and betray me. Praying for those who hurt me does not wipe away the hurt, the wounds are not forgotten, and the pain is not removed, but the hate that could fill my heart is replaced by forgiveness, love, and hope. What could make me bitter, angry, and hate-filled, instead, allows me to look for the good, to appreciate the blessings, to love the unlovable. Religion is much more than a set of rules. It’s a relationship with the One who gave me life, and gave His own, in order that I may truly live. Without a relationship, without that appreciation, without the mercy and grace given as a gift, we have nothing.

Marriage does not work without communication.
Parenting without nurture wounds a child.
Religion without Christ, the giver of grace and mercy, is empty.

Perhaps we need to create some sort of substantial separation between what we define as religion and Faith. I’m not even sure that works because there are peaceful, loving Muslims. There are peaceful, loving, Buddhist. There are peaceful loving people in all sorts of “religions”. And there are broken people in them, just the same.

As a Christian, I believe we all need…we all need a savior and I believe the source of salvation is not in acts of goodness, service, kindness or in acts of control, hate, or murder. I believe our salvation is based solely on the grace and mercy of a loving God by His own flesh, Jesus Christ.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:8-10

Are bad things done in the name of religion? Yes.
Does that make religion bad? No.

But these words in my Bible, that I believe are breathed straight from God through man, serve as instruction and guidance for my life. They very clearly say that I am not saved by acts of kindness, service, or a good heart, nor am I saved by acts of evil, hate, or murder. I am saved by the acts of one sinless man, the very God I believe in, the one who created everything out of nothing, the one who fills darkness with light, the one who walked on earth in the form of flesh to experience the very same feelings and emotions we experience, in order to draw us closer to Him, to show He fully understands, to set an example before us of how to extend hope, love, and compassion to those around us, who created us with the purpose of doing good. Acts do not make me a Christian and believing in God does not make me good. I am a sinner. I have made bad choices. I have hurt people. Being a Christian, a believer in Christ, a follower of Christ, makes me a person who can freely admit that I have dished out my own fair share of wrongs and had wrongs done to me but am saved by the grace and mercy of one God, who took on the sins of the world through flesh, with the purpose that I will do good in His name. That in the name of God, because I have faith, I will love. I will show compassion. I will try to understand others. I will accept as they are, just as He has accepted me. I will pray for peace.

Do I profess to fully understand all of that? Nope.
Can I explain it without any doubt so that anyone else will also believe? Nope.
Do I have faith anyway? Yes.

There are a lot of “religious” people who spew hate and disgust at people who are different from them.  There are a lot of non-religious people who hate the religious bigots. That means there is a lot of hate going around. I don’t understand why this happens and I can’t explain the hate some are filled with.

Unresolved anger?
Fear?

Maybe there are no answers or maybe there are hundreds of answers.

What I do know is that we are designed with a desire and need to be with one another, to love one another, to support, encourage, and care for one another. From the moment a child is conceived, she has a need. She needs nourishment from her mothers body to enable her to grow inside her mothers womb. She needs comfort and protection as her organs form and she prepares to breath her first breath. And in that moment, the moment she takes her first breath, she needs love, comfort, and nourishment. Without those things, she will die. We are created to need one another.

While some people frown upon the word sin, one fact is, sin separates us. No matter what you believe or don’t believe, as a human being, you are not exempt from the effects of sin (or the wrong/bad choices people make). As a Christian, I believe sin separates us from God. I believe in a good God who can take no part in the evilness of sin, who mourns and grieves with us because of the evil in our broken world, but who promises us a place of peace and hope, to fill the emptiness left by the sinful acts committed by us or against us. As a person, who walks in the flesh, I believe sin separates us from each other. It doesn’t matter what religion you are or if you believe in anything, you are still subject to the effects of sin. Gossip destroys relationships, reputations, and lives. Infidelity puts walls between couples and robs them of the trust in their partner. Jealousy leads to dissatisfaction and a lack of thankfulness in the blessings of the meaningful things in our lives. Rape takes the innocence of an act designed to be pleasurable, fulfilling, intimate, and turns it into something horrific, a brutal, damaging form or torture that follows one throughout their life. Murder not only destroys the lives of many, but it robs the murdered of another moment, another breath, another chance to extend hope and love. It is an irreversible choice.

Sin, evil thoughts or acts, crimes of rape, murder, jealousy, infidelity, and so on, create in us a cold, dead heart. Not in the physical sense, but by us placing the value of a thing above the value of a person, in pursuing our own desires before those of another, in forcing things upon another against their will, in stealing ones innocence, in destroying the lives of others. It takes the love and warmth that was meant for us and replaces it with hate, anger, rage.

Religion did not destroy the lives of more than a hundred people at the Orlando shooting. Hate did.

While some claim hate in the name of religion, what people need to understand is, you cannot lump all those who have faith in a higher power under one title. Religion is not the source hate anymore than a tree is the source of money. An individual persons choices and actions are the source of and result of hate. Hate comes from many different people, religions, cultures, groups, beliefs, and so on. Hate can be found in a classroom, in a church, in a store, on a baseball field, in a group of friends, in a marriage, on a highway, or anywhere and in anyone’s heart.

So can love. It’s our choice what we fill our hearts with.

Religion – “the belief in a god or group of gods; an organized system of beliefs, ceremonies, and rules used to worship a god or group of gods; an interest, a belief, or an activity that is very important to a person or group.

Can religion be the source of hate? Yes.
Does that mean religion is evil or hate-filled? No.

There are many peaceful, loving, caring Muslims who believe their God is a God of peace. There are many Christians who pray daily for peace, grasping for bits of hope for a better tomorrow, believing in a loving God.

And then there are those who have their own motives, fueled by their brokenness, filled with hate.

I can only speak from the Christian perspective because it’s what I know.

Do religious people hurt people? Yes.
Do non-religious people hurt people? Yes.
Do Christians hurt people? Yes.
Do non-Christians hurt people? Yes.

Does the Bible speak of hate, murder, sexual immorality, punishment, war, and many other horrors? Yes. Does that make it hard to comprehend? Yes. Have countless people asked, “How can a loving God allow so much hurt and pain?” Of course. Is it possible for that to create doubt in a loving God? Yes.

Here’s the thing…doubt comes from a lack of understanding. I can say that because I’ve been there. For most of my life, I’ve doubted that I was worthy of the love of a good and loving God. I also spent many years believing He was punishing me for being a bad person. I lived in fear, doubt, hopelessness. I wanted to believe in a good and loving God but I couldn’t imagine one who would accept me.

Broken people need.

They need healing.
They need hope.
We are ALL broken.

At some point, in my own life, I knew I couldn’t make it on my own. I was in a place of desperation. The only choice I felt I had was to depend on a God I couldn’t see, one I feared hated me, one I was certain would never accept me, but one I placed my faith in anyway. It was a choice. I don’t take pride in any of the choices I have made but I am thankful for the direction my life took that led to the choice I made that sunny September morning in 2005. What I’ve learned is the God I believe in truly is a loving God. He chooses broken people. We are broken, created with many needs, leaving us each with empty places, that I believe, only He can fill. He uses broken people. He uses them for good…not evil.

So when someone commits a horrible crime, destroy lives, robbing them of a future, of hope, and they do so in the name of religion, we need to understand there is a difference in them, their beliefs, and mine. Religion is not hate. Religion is a group of people, worshiping a God they believe in, because it is important to them. That does not mean religion can be defined as hate.

Are there some religious people filled with hate? Yes.
Are there many other religious people filled with love? Yes.

Please don’t put us all in the same category based on misunderstanding of religion or the differences in religions.

Personally, I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe in forgiveness. I believe in hope. I believe that someday, there will be no more pain, tears, suffering. I believe because it’s what I need. It’s what works for me. I have lived through many tragedies of my own. I have lived a very broken life, with many hurts, many moments of darkness, and many thoughts of escaping this cruel world. I have questioned the God I believe in. There are things I will never understand.

I have sat alone in a cold, empty room, having had everything even down to my underwear stripped away from me and in that darkest, loneliest moment, the comfort of God’s words were all I had.

“I will not die but live, and proclaim what the Lord has done.” Psalm 118:17

Those words were with me that night. Whether you believe in God or not, I believe those words came from Him, over 2,000 years ago, and in that moment, He used them to comfort me, to give me peace, to restore my faith and bring life back to my worn and tattered soul. He gave me hope that I could breathe another breath, that I could face another tomorrow, that somehow, someway, I could help another through the struggles of this life as well. I was not alone. Though physically, I had nothing but a hard cot, a scratchy blanket, and a set of paper scrubs, I was not alone and He provided exactly what I needed in that very moment. Those words were everything.

And still, I find myself asking at times…

Why does a mother have to say goodbye to her child before it can even take it’s first breath?
Why do people fulfill their own sick desires by violating innocent children?
Why does a man walk into a night club and murder many innocent, precious, people?
Why do we not value each and every life, breath or no breath?
Why does a child face starvation and desperation?
Why are people hated because of the color of their skin, their physical disabilities, or their sexuality?

What brings a person to the point that he or she sees no value in the life of another?

I could go on and on with the questions but there are no answers. The only answer that brings me peace is that the God I believe in is faithful and promises hope, love, and healing. He promises to never abandon, to provide strength in times of need, to hear our cries, to mourn with us.

There may be religious people who hate. But religion itself is not hate. Religion is a group of people in a shared group of beliefs in either a God, laws, rituals or whatever. But hate is what fills a person. Religion may teach works, hate, or murder. Religion may teach hope, faith and love. Each of those things are what a person is filled with and each of those people are given a choice in what they will be filled with. A man who chose to murder 49 innocent people in the name of religion chose to be filled with hate. A person professing to be a Christian, shouting hate-filled statements of disgust and anger towards a group of people based on their sexuality, makes the choice to hate. A person who denying the beliefs of any greater power or a different higher being and in turn mocks, condemns, or ridicules someone else because of their differences in beliefs, chooses hate.

Why? Why are we so afraid of people who are different from us? Why are we offended when someone chooses something we don’t agree with? Why do we feel our beliefs and desires have to be the beliefs and desires of everyone? Why, like God, do we not allow people to make their own choices, and extend encouragement, support, and love? Perhaps if the gunman in Florida had been nurtured and loved, raised to accept the differences in others, to embrace those differences, to love in spite of differences, maybe he would have chosen love instead of hate.

And as a Christian, I know there are many “Christians” who express disgust towards homosexuals, yet when one is found guilty of adultery, gossip, slander, stealing, or something else they deem those “sins” as inadequate compared to what they believe is the sin of a homosexual. What someone does in their bedroom is their business. It’s not mine. It’s not yours. It’s theirs. If you believe in God, then you also know that Scripture says…

“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. Romans 12:19

Basically, it says butt out. Mind your own business.

While that may sound harsh, leave the judgment to the God you believe in. If you feel the need to do something or say something, follow God’s word and pray. Don’t pray to change someone who’s different from you. Genuinely pray for them, that whatever is best for them will be, that the God you hold so highly, wrap them in His loving embrace and comfort them in any times of trouble. Cry out to God with your frustrations, concerns and fears. When we fail to trust the very God we expect others to follow and trust, we are no example to them. If we believe, as we say we do, in a loving and just God, then we should show our trust in Him by leaving the judgment and correction to Him and extend to others the grace and mercy He has given us.

The greatest commands are to love God and love others. Before anything else, we love God and others. A friend said to me, “Does your Bible say homosexuality is wrong?” Yes, it does. It also says tattoos, gossip, infidelity, stealing, murder and more are wrong. And it says we are all broken. It says we are all in need of something to fill our empty places. And it says we all have choices on what those empty places will be filled with. And it says if we choose to let those empty places be filled with love, we are full-filling the greatest and only commands we need to follow. By loving God and loving others, everything falls into place as it should.

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:36-39

“Make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” 2 Peter 1:5-8

“Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” Colossians 3:13

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” Romans 5:1-11

These are verses from my Bible. These are the commands of a loving, sovereign God.

Do bad things happen? Yes.
Does God punish people for the bad things they do? I believe He will.
Does He still mourn and grieve for those who turn from Him, those who do wrong, those who are hurt by the hands of another? I believe so.
Does He offer mercy, grace, and forgiveness? Yes.
Does He withhold that from anyone? No, it’s available to all.
Does He command us to do the same? Yes.

So while there are many things in Scripture that I may never understand, I do know God’s love is available to anyone. And I believe He loves everyone.

“… when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.” Romans 5:6

Christ died for the ungodly. Not the saints. Not the perfect people. Not the holier than thou. But for the broken, the needy, for all of us, not based on religion, sexuality, age, color, or name. We are all His creation. His desire is for not one person to be lost. But with that, He gives each of us the choice. He won’t force us to choose Him. We are free to make our own choices.

A religion may be a group of people who share a common belief, or even believe certain rituals or laws, but each individual is responsible for the choices they make. There are bad people and there are good people. There is sorrow and there is joy. There is pain and there is healing. What will you pour into others?

Many non-Christians or non-religious people say the Bible is filled with hate. I admit, there’s a lot in the Bible that makes very little sense to me, things I don’t think I’ll ever understand but as you really begin to understand the God of the Bible, you see, it’s His letter to us of guidance, hope, and love.

“We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother’s righteous.” 1 John 3:12

Cain was evil. He was affected by sin. Each of us are given a choice. We can allow sin to control us or we can take control of that sin. Cain allowed his anger, his jealousy, to enrage him to the point he murdered his own brother. His deeds were evil. Cain made a choice to commit an evil act.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” Psalm 139:13-16

Each an every heart that ever beats is precious in God’s eyes. Every single one. And each and every person is given choices in life. The hate-filled men who murdered thousands of innocent people in the name of religion as they brought a country to her knees on a beautiful September morning…they were created, intricately, in the depths of a woman’s womb, fearfully and wonderfully made. And in a broken world, they had a need. They had an emptiness that only God should fill. Instead, the choices they made led those empty places to be filled with hate and evil. What should have been filled with peace, love and hope, was occupied by plans of devastation and murder, and done in the name of religion.

But religion did not cause the events of that September day. Broken people, who made hate-filled choices did.

Does God allow evil?

Each of those twenty precious babies from Sandy Hook Elementary had value. They had value to their parents, to their families, to their friends, and to a loving God. Did God want fear, suffering, and death for them? I don’t believe so.

I believe from the very beginning, from the moment God took the dust of the earth and formed it into a man, He had a plan. A grand, beautiful plan, but a plan we would play part in. He could have created us as robots that followed everything He desired but instead, He allowed us to make that choice for ourselves. Without a choice, there would really be no meaning or no purpose in our lives. With choices, we would learn to put others before ourselves, to love one another, to mourn with each other, to laugh and be joy-filled together, to pray together, to live together. And with that, we would learn differences, and with differences would come jealousy, anger, and hate. And we would have a choice. We could choose to look beyond those differences in acceptance and love, or we could choose to allow bitterness to take root and grow into a hate-filled heart.

If God is all-knowing and in control, how do our choices make a difference?

Because He is all-knowing, He knows our hearts. Our comprehension and understanding is inadequate compared to Him. After all, He created everything, with a single breath. Can you do that? His ways are beyond our understanding. But He is good. His purposes are good. His desire is for us to choose Him, to come to Him in our own free will…not forced, but to make a choice to serve Him, a good, loving God. Being in control means He is aware of the outcome and in the end, He wins. Evil cannot win. Evil does not get the final say. Hate does not win. Love does.

Some people bring up the Old Testament laws and use them against Christians today, calling us hypocrites. I understand that and honestly, there really are plenty of hypocrites in the church, and outside the church. I’ve been one myself. Again, we are all broken people. I’ve been a thief. I’ve been jealous. I’ve gossiped. And on, and on, and on. And I’ve loved. I’ve served. I’ve grieved. I’ve suffered. You name it, I’ve probably done it. I’m broken just like anyone else.

But I have something that the man who walked into a night club and took the lives of 49 innocent, precious, beautiful sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, did not have. I have faith in a good and loving God. My religion is not hate. My religion is Christianity. I am a believer in Jesus Christ. I believe in a God who became flesh as an example of how to forgive, to love, to care for others, to bring comfort, to serve, to live. I believe in a God who became flesh to show me that He understands the temptations and sufferings I would experience on this earth and that He alone can provide the strength and courage needed. I believe in a God who promises to be with me through every moment of joy and through every painful tragedy. I believe in a God who is not filled with hate or disgust for any person, because after all, He created each and every one of us, loving us from before our hearts even beat for the first time, with a grand plan that someday, we would join Him in a peaceful and perfect world, but only after He allowed us to choose that for ourselves.

Religion is not hate. God is not hate. Evil is hate.

“The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10

People have a choice. Love or hate. Choose love. No matter what you believe, no matter what you’ve heard or what the media blows out of proportion. No matter the differences, no matter your location, no matter your history, no matter your future, choose love. Hate destroys what is meant to come together. Love brings unity and that is what God desires. We are “one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.” We are one nation. We are America. We are broken. We are all in need of something. Don’t let hate be what fills your empty places.

Let love win. Let love win. Let LOVE win!

 

 

One Year Ago…

July3_2013

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One year ago today…

The date was July 3, 2012.  The hubby was working at the fire station.  The kids and I loaded up for our annual trip to see the fireworks show in town.  We’ve been every year since Noah was a baby.  It’s a tradition.  This time was even more fun than usual.  We met a couple of our closest friends and their kids at the mall and enjoyed the evening together.

Just as we were about to load up and head home, our friends phone rang.  Tony had tried to reach me on my phone but it was in the van and I couldn’t hear it.  He called our friends phone and they passed it over to me.  All I could hear was “We’ve been robbed!” 

My heart sank.

I burst into tears, trying to shield the kids from seeing me cry but it didn’t work.  They could tell something was wrong, very wrong.

I didn’t know the extent of the robbery at that point but I knew things would never be the same.  Immediately, I felt violated, unsafe, worried, scared and a million other emotions.  What had been a wonderful celebration of our freedom turned into a nightmare that left us feeling imprisoned, trapped in a world of fear.

Our friends were so loving, caring and kind.  Not knowing what was in store at home, one friend took my van along with our kids to their house while her husband drove me to our home to meet Tony there.  That was such a blessing and we are so thankful to have such great friends!

When we arrived at the house, it honestly wasn’t as bad as it could have been.  Our alarm system was triggered so the robbers weren’t in the house long, but it was long enough to destroy our security.  While they of course managed to take some of our biggest possessions, the hardest thing to deal with has been the loss of security, especially for our kids.

This year, we will once again celebrate the freedom we have in this country.  We are still putting things back together, fixing what was broken, including our wounded hearts but while doing so, we celebrate the blessings.  We are free to live in a house that we love.  We are free to own things that we enjoy.  We are free to love our children, to worship God and to love our country.  I am so thankful for all the blessings in my life.

Having a home is something I had prayed for, dreamed of and waited for so long to have.  Sure, we’d had homes, but not our own.  Finally, we bought our home in November of 2011.  Just 8 months later, the joy was stolen from us.  What should have been years more of happiness and joy in our new home was suddenly stripped away, by someone that took advantage of the freedoms in our country.  Evidently, they felt free enough to tear up our home, steal our things that we have worked hard for and destroy the feelings of security we had found in our new home.

As the year has passed, things have gotten easier but it will never be the same.  I still catch myself checking doors behind me, two and three times, sometimes more.  I still find myself beeping the van numerous times to make sure it’s locked.  We have up’d our security measures both inside and outside the house.  Sometimes, it feels like we’ve created our own lock down but right now, it’s what it takes to make us feel safe because of someone else’s actions.

The hardest part this year is knowing we will never be able to celebrate our freedom and independence like we have before.  That was all taken from us this time last year.  A few days ago, my kids started talking about how the 3rd was coming up and how it would be a year since our break-in.  Of course it was already on my mind, but I had hoped it wouldn’t cross theirs.  No such luck.  They are well aware of what happened last year.

My youngest son asked if we would go to the fireworks again this year.  I asked him how he felt about that and he said, “I want to go as long as we can leave some cars in our driveway so the bad guys think we’re at home.”  What a shame that he has to think that way and worry like that but of course I’ve felt those same feelings.  I’m still not sure what we will do.  Perhaps we will just enjoy the evening at home and be thankful that we weren’t here last year.

No matter what we choose to do this year, we will still celebrate because we do have so many freedoms and so many things to be thankful for.  We do live in a country where we can choose to do the right thing or the wrong thing.  It is a freedom of choice.  Even though some may choose to do the wrong thing and others will continue to suffer because of bad choices, we can go on.  We will move forward from this day.  We know the heartache and the worry, we know the fear but we also know the joy that comes from what they couldn’t take away – they couldn’t take away our freedom, they didn’t take our hearts, our love for each other, the bond we have as a family, the life we share together and the memories we will make as we celebrate each year.

Still, please say a prayer for peace for us, especially for our kids.

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The Right Side of the Road…

Growing up, I spent most of my summers, enjoying the smell of flowers, the sounds of hummingbirds and hearing the train whistle and roar by my grandparents camper.  Vivid images run through my mind of fishing with my grandpa, late night campfires, crickets chirping and gentle breezes as summer days seemed to stand still.

If you’ve ever driven through mountains before, you know how curvy the roads can be.  I remember many trips along the Blue Ridge Parkway, staring out into the clouds beside me, seeing rolling hills and trees.  While I thoroughly enjoyed almost everything about the mountains, I couldn’t help but wonder how many vehicles plummeted over the railing down into the hills.  The curvy roads felt a little frightening and yet exciting at the same time.

Today, things are quite the same.  We travel through life on what I imagine to be this pleasant stretch of road, laid out straight in front of us.  God has all things placed perfectly in our path.  His plans and desires are mapped out for us but He allows us to veer left and right as we choose.  I think sometimes, we take a wrong turn, find another road and get lost.  Other times, we follow the path on the wrong side of the road.  And somehow we still manage to find times where we drive on the right side of the road, following the path laid out before us.

There have been many turns, bumps, and off road courses in my life.  It took me thirty plus years to clearly see direction and even now, I still find myself veering off, whether by choice or by accident.  All the while, God still has His hands placed ever so perfect along the steering wheel with mine, gently leading me, guiding me, calling me to follow His path.

I share this visual with you because as a visual learner and one who loves photography, drawing and painting, I wanted to paint a picture for you of what I envision our walk with Christ to look like.

Right now, my path is busy.  With a husband and three small children, that should be enough to back up my statement of busy but add to it, commitments and duties at church, a full-time job, a blog, a part-time photography business, soccer, friends and a dog, well, let’s just say, life can be a little overwhelming at times.  Through all the busyness, I can still hear that voice whisper, “Follow me.”  And I so want to reach for God’s hand and let Him guide me.

I’ve said many times I feel God is leading me to write and speak.  Even if typing away on this blog is the only writing I do, I am doing it!  I enjoy every moment I pour into this place and cherish the pages of my life that I have shared here.  These are the moments in which God has chosen to use me to share His glory, His grace, His love.  And even if I never speak in front of a group of hundreds or thousands, I have been blessed with the opportunity to lead some women in small groups at our church.  I am so thankful God has chosen to use me and I pray He continues to use me and that I have the discipline and desire to always be obedient.

I believe He is guiding me along His road, and in this moment, even when the road seems curvy, He is working in me, teaching me to lean on Him, to follow Him and drive on the right side of the road!

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

© The Imperfect Princess at theimperfectprincess.com

Love is…


1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

Love is patient.  It’s not rushed.  It’s not pressured.  It waits, allows time for growth.

Love is kind.  It’s not angry.  It’s not bitter.

Love does not envy.  It’s not jealous.  It doesn’t shout with pride.

Love does not dishonor.  It respects.  It does not delight in evil.  It rejoices with truth.

Love protects. It takes care of.  It nurtures.  It shields.

Love trusts.  It lets down it’s guard.  It finds the good.  It puts aside the wrongs for the sake of the rights.

Love hopes.  It dreams.  It prays.

Love perseveres.  It wins.  

Love never fails.

We live in a broken world.  Do you think this kind of love is really possible?  Have you experienced this kind of love?  Share your stories in the comments :)  I’d love to hear from you!

© The Imperfect Princess at theimperfectprincess.com

Can I be trusted?

This week in Melissa Taylor’s Online Bible Study, from the book, Greater, written by pastor Steven Furtick,  one of the choices of topic to write about was…

1.  TrustedWhat are your thoughts on this week’s reflection verse?
Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much… ~ Luke 16:10a NIV84

That question hit me hard this week.
It made me think.  A lot.

As I ponder the options for a response, I think about the times when I have messed up the little things.

First, the obvious, carelessness with finances.
Sharing irrelevant details.
Not keeping promises.
Not completing a task.
Harboring ill feelings.
Not lending an ear.

In my mind, there are so many things I have taken for granted.  There have been many little jobs that have come my way.  Many where I have failed.

Did I always seek God in them?  
Did I look to fulfill His desires through those jobs?  
Did I follow His guidance?  
Did I stop to think of the outcome?

The answer, in too many cases, was no.

If I can’t be trusted with the little things He has handed me, why should He trust me with greater things?

Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.  Col. 3:9-10

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered. Prov. 11:13

I fall short in much of the gifts God has blessed me with.  Many of those, I failed to even see they were gifts.  That’s not at all my desire.  The closer I grow in my walk with the Lord, the more I want Him to be able to trust me with the greater things.  I will continue to fall but I can rest assured that He is walking next to me, ready to quickly pick me up and lead me in the right direction, again!

*Lord, I pray for strength and determination to do what is right in your eyes, to follow your lead, to set a good example for my family and those who cross my path.  I pray for your guidance in all matters, big or small.  I pray for wisdom to discern between good and bad.  I pray for protection from the wrong choices.  I know you are with me and I thank you for the freedom and choices you give me but I am weak.  In my weaknesses, you have picked me up and shown me a greater life.  Let me live it in a way that glorifies you.  In your sons name, Amen.*

© The Imperfect Princess at theimperfectprincess.com

All Cried Out…

May my cry come before you, O LORD; give me understanding according to your word.  Psalm 119:169


(image source – unknown)

Many of you, I’m sure, have seen the recent news.  Some of you may have seen it and are now doing all you can to avoid it.

I can’t avoid it.

My heart aches for 27 families who now mourn the loss of a loved one.  I can’t imagine the immense pain and heartache they and many others are now burdened with.

Yesterday, lives were changed forever because of one young mans choice.

I feel drawn to these stories, learning what I can about the precious little angels who didn’t get hugs from their parents.  I want to know them, see how much they were loved, cherish their memories.  I want to comfort their families, tell them it will all be okay and yet…

I’m here.

In times like this, I’m almost at a loss for words.

How do you tell someone it will get better?
How do you tell them that time will heal their wounds?
How do you tell them God is with them when in this moment, they feel anger, betrayal and hurt?
How do you tell them their babies are no longer suffering when they are left with horrid images and tragedy?
How do you comfort the siblings?
How does a parent tell their other children their sibling isn’t coming home?
How does a man move on with his life when he’s tormented by the acts of his brother?
How does a father live, knowing the acts of his son have left a community destroyed?

The only thing I know to do is …

Pray.

I know some will just think that is ridiculous and I’m sad to know there are people who think that.  In moments when life is unbearable, prayer is the one comfort I have found to be consistent. It’s the quiet moments when I can take my questions to God and rest in my faith that someday, we’ll understand, which keep me going.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.  Ephesians 6:18

Today, as I wrapped Christmas gifts for my loved ones, I saw just how insignificant this “stuff” is.  My heart aches for the moms and dads who will not be able to bear removing the unopened gifts from under their trees, for the hugs they will no longer have, for the precious moments that were ripped away from their lives yesterday.  Christmas is not about all this “stuff” … it’s about a love great than we can imagine, the love a parent has for their child, the celebration of birth and life.

I don’t understand the silly, petty things we do and say when so many people are hurting.  I can’t imagine what these parents are going through but from what I have seen, they are some of the most amazing and strong people.  The town has pulled together to rally around these families, and yet, nothing – nothing can bring back their babies, siblings, mothers.

I am all cried out.  I have shed many tears and I have cried out to God with my why’s.  And still, I’m here, waiting, knowing the answers aren’t mine to know … not yet.

I find peace believing that these precious, beautiful children are sitting next to their teachers, Rachel, Lauren, Victoria, Anne Marie, their principal (protector), Dawn, their counselor (comforter), Mary,  and Nancy Lanza – at the feet of Jesus.  I feel sure he’s reading them a story of peace, hope and love and embracing their smiles, the innocent glimmer in their eyes, their hopes and dreams and wrapping his arms around them.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all the families involved, the people of Newtown, Connecticut and our country as we all mourn this senseless act of violence.  I’m putting their names here because I want to remember them, I need to pray for them and I know they need our prayers.  Please join me in praying peace and comfort over these families and all those forever affected by this tragedy.

Prayers specifically for …

Charlotte Bacon, 6
Daniel Barden, 7
Rachel Davino, 29
Olivia Engel, 6
Josephine Gay, 7
Ana M Marquez-Greene, 6
Dylan Hockley, 6
Dawn Hocksprung, 47
Madeline F. Hsu, 6
Catherine V. Hubbard, 6
Chase Kowalski, 7
Jesse Lewis, 6
James Mattioli, 6
Grace McDonnell, 7
Anne Marie Murphy, 52
Emilie Parker, 6
Jack Pinto, 6
Noah Pozner, 6
Caroline Previdi, 6
Jessica Rekos, 6
Avielle Richman, 6
Lauren Russeau, 30*
Mary Sherlach, 56
Victoria Soto, 27
Benjamin Wheeler, 6
Allison N Wyatt, 6

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:18

© The Imperfect Princess at theimperfectprincess.com