Tag Archives: Life

Series: College Life | Adulting in a Kids World…

I’m going to go out on a short limb here and guess that most of my readers are middle aged women. There may be a few stragglers from other categories and that’s okay too (in fact, I welcome all!).

But I seriously doubt very many teenagers are dropping by and hanging around. However, I find myself surrounded by a sea of teenagers and young adults.

Why? I’m glad you asked…

College. That’s where they hang out these days.

Okay, so maybe they’re not just hanging out. I’m sure that’s not all they’re doing, in fact, being one of these “students” myself, I’m just about certain they’re doing much more than just hanging out.

They’re doing papers (or at least should be).
And papers.
And more papers.
They’re probably studying, at least a little.
They’re not sleeping very much (notice the papers and studying above).
They’re playing sports.
They’re working jobs.
They’re drinking coffee (and probably some things they shouldn’t)…and lots of it (again, notice the papers and studying).
They’re looking for boyfriends and girlfriends and just friends in general.
They’re trying to adult.
They’re paying bills (or maybe begging for coffee money from mom and dad).
They’re finding their way around in a semi-adult world.
And because they’re still kids, they’re partying, making friends, playing, etc.

In the community college atmosphere, I saw this, but ever so slightly. Being on a big 4-year campus, I’m dead in the middle of college life. Wow, culture shock?!

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When I first came to “Uni,” which is what I think these kids use as short for “University,” (I still haven’t figured out what “Sovi” is but I think maybe it’s the Student Union? Anyone that wants to help this “old” gal with college lingo, feel free!) back in August and the weeks that followed, I thought, “No way…I’m too old for this!”

And most days, I still feel that way. I mean, after all, I’ve got a husband, three kids, a dog, Bible studies, friends, church stuff, writing, part-time work with photography and subbing, and on and on. I don’t have time for this. And I don’t. But I do.

So all this time, I’ve been thinking how great it is that these kids are schooling while they’re young because at 38, I feel way too damn old! Ya know, these “youngin’s” have all the advantages…

But…

On my hour long morning commute (an hour if traffic’s good – one way | sometimes I find myself sing to Dori’s tune…“just keep driving, just keep driving!”), I have lots of thinking time (which is exhausting in itself but oh how sweet a time it can be!). This morning, I was thinking of how hard it’s been for me to adult in a kids world. I’m exhausted. I’m the girl that has always stayed up until midnight or later and never thought twice about it. Now, I find myself ready for bed before my kids are even in bed (and they go at 8:30p)! Actually, to say I’m exhausted has to be an understatement. I don’t even know a word to define how tired I am and words are my thing (after all, I’m an English major – though that doesn’t mean I’m a pro at this word thing by any means so don’t hold me at fault there, lol).

So, back to my morning drive…this morning, I was thinking…maybe I’m actually the lucky one here. Maybe instead of these kids having all the advantages, I actually am the one with the advantages. I started thinking about all the things in my life that are settled and the peace that comes with that…and how for these kids, nothing is settled.

See, I am married. I don’t have to hunt for the perfect man. I already have the perfect man for me and he’s my biggest supporter and encourager (if that’s not a word, I’m making it one!). I don’t have to date and wonder if this guy is going to be the one or if he’s the biggest jerk ever. I don’t have to go to parties and drink (been there, done that, worn out the t-shirt and realized it’s only by the grace of God I survived any of that) to have fun or wear minimal clothing to try and attract all the wrong people. I don’t have to wonder if I’ll ever have kids…I have three and certainly couldn’t do this college thing if they weren’t such awesome kids. I don’t have to worry about how I’m going to pay the bills because my husband works so hard to make sure we are taken care of and I’ve got student loans that I know I will one day have to and be able to pay back. I don’t have to worry about where I’m going to live or what I’m going to drive.

Point being…there are so many things these kids have to worry about. That list above is tiny compared to all the worries and pressures they have. I don’t have to worry about those things. Sure, I have to adult but part of that means I also have a lot more stability, security and certainty than they do. I have a family that supports me, helps around the house and in every day tasks so that I can do this adulting in a kids world thing, who pick up my slack. I’ve got friends, young and old, who are praying for me daily. I’ve got a church family that has been one of the greatest blessings from God. The support and encouragement has been amazing. I feel like I have a group of cheerleaders encouraging me daily, with the “You can do this!” and “You’ve got this!” comments.

And I’ve been down enough long, hard roads and made enough wrong turns that I know…without a doubt, somehow, I can do this and that even if I don’t, it will be okay. I don’t have the weight of what if’s on my shoulders. Most of these kids can’t say that. They don’t have that comfort or peace.

So, while I’ve looked at this thinking from the perspective of “I’m too old for this…” I think I’m realizing these “youngin’s” don’t actually have the advantage. They may have more energy (or drink more coffee) but I have peace and security that only comes through life experiences and an unfailing trust and faith in the God who has brought me through the darkest times. Kudos to me for adulting today!

While you’re here, would you please say a prayer for me…that I can be a light to these kids. I don’t know their backgrounds. I don’t know their struggles. But I do know my own and I know how hard things can be. And I know what it’s like to go through the hard times alone, without the support of family and friends. I imagine, like myself as a teen, many of these kids are facing some of those same struggles I faced. Please pray that I can be some kind of encouragement to them, a light in whatever their darkness might be.

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No Greater Love | Day 3

This is Day 3 of “No Greater Love.” Be sure and read Day 1 and Day 2!

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No greater love…

Comes with purpose…
Purpose in each and every little detail…
A perfect plan.

Comes with healing…
True healing…
Healing that can only come from God.

“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

No greater love…

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13

Can you imagine giving your life for the sake of another? How great is that love?

“The soldiers took charge of Jesus. Carrying his own cross, he went out to the place of the Skull. There they crucified him.” John 19:17

He gave His life for me…and you.

He walked that road an innocent man, a saint, a healer, a comforter, a friend. He hung on that cross a mighty warrior, knowing what was to come. A moment of suffering was nothing compared to what He knew was coming.

“Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

On that day, a man laid down His life for ours.
His body was laid inside a tomb.
And days later, the stone was rolled away.

God’s not dead! (Shameless plug…God’s Not Dead 2 comes out in theaters soon!)

He’s Alive!

“Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. Mark 16:7

Just as God had planned, he would send a savior into the world, a final sacrifice, the ultimate love. He sent His son, Jesus Christ, to die there on that cross atop Calvary, for us.

What a beautiful love!

Our Creator God came in the flesh to bear the wounds we deserved so we wouldn’t have to.

“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” John 1:14

Mercy and grace at its fullest.

“Behold, an hour is coming, and has already come, for you to be scattered, each to his own home, and to leave Me alone; and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. “These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” John 16:32-33

We have a purpose. God has a plan. His plan is a perfect place for us…those who love Him.

“We love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19

We live in a broken world, but in a life of momentary affliction because He says, these troubles are temporary but the beauty that is to come is eternal. Friend, I can only imagine that these trials we face in this brief life on earth is nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to the majesty that will one day be revealed.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.” Revelation 21:3

We have healing. In all our struggles, all our pain, all our suffering, we have help. We have hope.

“I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2

Friends, know this…

He wins. God wins.

Darkness cannot overcome light. Evil cannot overcome a good God…and He is good. We may not always understand. We may never understand.

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7

But He knows. He knows what’s behind us and what’s to come. He knows our hopes and our heartaches.

He loves you.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

He loves you. There is no greater love.

Happy Easter…He lives!

 

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No Greater Love | Day 1

Today is the first of a three day series of what I believe to be the greatest love story ever told…Let’s begin with purpose.

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Purpose? Yes, purpose.

Take a breath. Grab a cup of coffee. Snuggle under your favorite blanket and ponder my thoughts. Know, my friend, that as I write this, I’m wishing we could be sitting in a coffee shop sharing a conversation face to face or in the comfort of my living room, enjoying the presence of wisdom and wonder together. But since this computer is what we have, let’s embrace it. Hello friend…there is purpose!

From the moment our hearts pump their first drop of blood, there is purpose.

In an instant, that purpose is life.

Some never take their first breath, but rest assured, they lived. For however short a time their heart beat inside their mothers womb, they were known. They were loved. They lived.

“When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:16

Known. Loved. Life.

Each and every heart that beats has been known, loved, and lived.

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How can that be?

We live in a horribly broken world with devastation surrounding us daily. A quick glimpse of the news is enough to make any stomach churn. How can every single heartbeat be known, loved and live? Babies die every day. Children are abandoned. Mother’s and Father’s forsake, abuse, murder. Lives are tossed aside as if they have no meaning, no point, no purpose…like garbage or waste.

“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.” Luke 15:4-7

But…each and every single heart that beats has been known, loved, and lived…by The One who created him, who knit him together in his mother’s womb. Not one went unloved.

“This is the will of Him who sent me, that I shall not lose none of all that He has given me, but raise them up at the last day. For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in Him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.” John 6:39-40

Not one. Not one life that chooses to believe. Not one heartbeat, whether is beats a thousand times for a thousand years or only once. Not one life that chooses Him will be lost. Can you believe that, my friend?

There is purpose.
In every beat of the heart. In yours, in mine, in the tiniest, most fragile heart.
There is purpose.

In the beginning, God created. None of us can claim that. We can’t take any credit for the trees, the stars, the clouds, the mountains, the ocean, and so on. We can’t even claim the own children who grow in our womb. Sure, we can do things to grow life, to sustain things but there is only One who can claim each and every creation.

He created the earth and from the dust of the earth, He breathed life into man…into us. And to the dust, our bodies will return. Each and every one of us. No one thats heart has beat escapes life and no one whose heart has stopped escapes death…in the physical sense. But every single heart that beats, lives…and every single life that lives has purpose.

That purpose can’t be explained by evolution, science, or even by our faith. We can’t prove our purpose beyond sharing our feelings and thoughts about the subject.

But there is purpose.

Otherwise, we simply wouldn’t exist. Without a reason, there isn’t a need.

Like…in the beginning, God created everything. He spoke the world into existence. And man, and woman; He breathed life into them. We can’t truly understand any of that because it’s simply beyond our ability to understand.

But purpose…Adam and Eve get blamed for all the worlds problems but Christians agree that God makes no mistakes. So, when we blame Adam and Eve for their bad choices, poor judgment, or lack of obedience, aren’t we essentially saying God made a mistake? That He created everything perfect and yet somehow, everything ended up imperfect? That sin was an accident, an afterthought, a big oops?

My point is this…even in sin, there is purpose. God allowed sin for a reason. I don’t have all the answers, and thankfully, I never will…because honestly, I don’t think I could handle that. And that’s probably exactly why we don’t have all the answers…because God knows, we’re confused enough as it is!

God does not make mistakes. He can’t. He is perfect and we are His perfect creations…sin and all.

Sin? Sin is bad…right? So why would God allow sin in a perfect world?

Without sin, we would have no true need for Him. Without sin, we would have no glory to reveal, no savior for saving. The point, the purpose, is to reveal God’s glory, to shine the light of Christ, to know Him, and to make Him known. Without sin, there would be no need for Him…and the purpose is to know Him, to need Him, to love Him, and to be loved by Him. Without sin, the world in which we live would already be perfect and we would miss out on all the glory and goodness He provides. We would know no different.

With sin, the ability to discern a difference between light and darkness, was born. With sin, came an understanding that we are not God but we are God’s, we need Him. With sin, came a desperate need for something more, something beyond our own explanations and comprehension. With sin, came pain and suffering, but with pain and suffering comes healing.

“God has saved us and called us to a holy life — not because of anything we have done but because of His own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.” 2 Timothy 1:9-10

Does that mean sin is good or okay? No. It just means there is purpose in it, even when we can’t understand.

“And we know that in all things God works for for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

What then, would be the purpose in sin? Sin separates us from God. Sin destroys life. Because of sin, physical death exists and because of sin, grace exists. Because of sin, we are weak. Because of sin, we are broken. Because of sin, we need. Because of sin, we need a savior. Because of sin, we need healing. Without sin, there would be no suffering and without suffering, we would need no savior. Because God allowed sin, we get to see the goodness of His glory in the presence of our Savior, His Son, Jesus Christ. Because of sin we need Him, and because He loves us, He gave us His Son…to give us life.

“He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds, we are healed.” Isaiah 53:8

“After the suffering of his soul, he will see the light of life and be satisfied.” Isaiah 53:11

You see, it is through our suffering that we have the ability to really see Him, how greatly we need Him, and to fully recognize the emptiness we have without Him. It is through that sin which gave us over to death, that He has overcome to give us life. There is purpose…to see His might and glory…to create in us a need for Him and to provide healing.

“But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

And on that note, ponder a while on healing. I’ll be back tomorrow to pick up where I left off here. I hope you’ll join me again as we explore together this great love story. Click here for Day 2.

“Our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18

 

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Update and book suggestions…

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Hey y’all! Today’s post is a nice laid back update :)  Here’s answers to a few questions…

What have you been up to?

Well, I’m in school full-time. I’m hoping to graduate in May with my Associates in Arts degree and then transfer and pursue a Bachelors in English. As if that isn’t enough, I’m heading into week three of teaching a new study on Grace at church. I’m also involved in a Tuesday morning Bible study with some amazing and dear women. I couldn’t do life without them and am so grateful God brought them into my life…just when I needed them! And of course I have the normal every day stuff…husband, kids, dog, and life. But ya know what…that last one, life…it’s good to be able to say I have life! Praise God. Last year this time, I couldn’t say that.

What’s up with the new things coming?

Well, I’m glad you asked! I posted back at the new year that big things were coming…they still are. I’m a little slow on that mostly because I’m focusing on school to make sure I graduate! I haven’t forgotten and ideas are being born and tweaked! Things are coming! For now, I can tell you there are plans for more regular posts on here. I have a very looooonnnnnngggg list of topics and hope to get those written and scheduled so they go out regularly. I’m looking at probably 2 to 3 posts a week for my goal. Also, other social media outlets are coming. If you don’t know about Periscope, check it out. I plan to start a 5-minute morning soon. Periscope is similar to YouTube, only it’s live. Basically, you would see me and be able to comment as I talk. I can’t plan anything with too much pressure right now so these 5-minute mornings seem like the best way to go. Topics will range from everyday life, parenting, Bible study, planner and journaling related things, and more. Basically a hodge podge of topics but the point is, I’ll be there. What I’ve realized from watching others on Periscope is that they become family. They become part of your life. You see them and you get to know them. It’s hard when you don’t see them for days and you wonder about them. Because I want to shine His light, I hope my 5-minute mornings will bring joy to your day! So, that’s in the works. I’m also on Twitter and YouTube. My YouTube videos are mostly planner related for now. (Did you know there’s a whole world of women obsessed with planners, paper, pens, stickers, and all that fun stuff?)

What are your book suggestions?

Right now, I’m reading a pile of books…and most of them have a shared theme. Grace & Identity. I’ve been reading these for the Bible study I’m teaching. The study is called, “Finding Your Place by Knowing His Grace.” Right now, it’s only available to the class I’m currently involved with but at some point I may take all my research and notes and write it up to share. It’s so worth digging into and one of the most crucial parts of this life to understand.

Books:

I Know His Name by Wendy Blight
Because He Loves me by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick
You’re Already Amazing by Holley Gerth
Lord, I Need Grace to Make It Today by Kay Arthur
Victory Over the Darkness by Neil T. Anderson
In My Father’s House by Mary A. Kassian

If you’re looking for a good book, any of these would be a great one to grab. Grace is the foundation of God’s love for us. It’s His unwavering, unending love and acceptance…of You and me! It’s His precious gift to us. Understanding His grace opens the door to a life meant for living. If you aren’t sure about grace, have questions about it, or just want to know more, pick up any one of these books and start there. And I’d love to hear from you. If you have questions or thoughts you want to chat about, email me!

So, that’s it for now! Don’t worry…I’ll be back soon.

Want to help me? A couple things I’d really appreciate…your prayers. Prayers for what’s to come here and through other social media…that God would keep me humble and grounded, obedient and consistent, fully relying on Him. And also, share this out…my blog, Periscope, Twitter, Facebook page and so on. It’s not about the numbers but every life that has a chance to hear is the possibility of another life changed. Help me extend that grace. Let’s shine His light!

Love & Blessings,

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Estate Sale…

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Back in January, my 95 year old neighbor passed away. 

It was bittersweet. 

She was ready. 

My family was not.

This weekend, there is an estate sale at her home which got me thinking.  People have flocked in from all over town to sift through Mrs. Helen’s belongings, only they don’t belong to Mrs. Helen anymore.  All of the things she treasured, enjoyed, collected in her time here on earth…

They’re just things.

She is gone and those things are left behind.  The crowds of people who have elbowed their way through her home didn’t know Mrs. Helen.

They may never have seen her smile or heard her many words of wisdom (and correction!).
They didn’t watch as she knelt down and hand picked acorns out of her yard (and mine!). 
They didn’t see her smile as she kindly acknowledge the annoying dog next door (yes, mine, lol). 
They wouldn’t know how she always wore a jacket when she was outside working in her yard…even when it was hot to everyone else. 
They don’t know she spent the last days of her life in a hospital after cancer invaded her body or how two years before that, she had fallen, broken her hip, recovered, came home and still worked tirelessly in her yard (at 94!). 
They never tasted the yummy deserts she baked and brought up to my house.
They didn’t walk into her kitchen and see the photo of their children proudly displayed on her refrigerator.
They didn’t notice the Bible and notebook spread out on her kitchen table each morning.
They didn’t have the joy of welcoming her into their living room, cherishing the next few moments of conversation  between two women separated by nearly six decades.

What those people are getting…

They’re just things.

They really mean nothing.  Sure, they brought Mrs. Helen joy while she was here and I hope they bring others joy as well.

In the brief three years my family got to know Mrs. Helen, we gained so much more than things.  We didn’t spend a lot of time with her but every minute with her was like an hour of history, wisdom, and blessings.  She was 95.  You can’t live that long and not have a lifetime of treasures tucked away in your mind.  I’m not talking about the treasures these people are fighting over like it’s a Black Friday sale.  They missed out on the real treasures.

Stories of…

Raising two sons.
Losing one of them too soon.
Loneliness.
Joy.
Fond memories.
Annoyances (that would probably be my loud children messing up her yard, lol.  Sorry, Mrs. Helen)

Mrs. Helen is leaving behind treasures.  Today and tomorrow, many people are glancing through her treasures and maybe even taking a few with them.

Me, I’m holding onto them tightly.  I’m treasuring the moments we had with her next door.

The smiles on my five year old daughters face when we’d pull into the driveway and she would bolt out of the car, run down to Mrs. Helen and give her a big hug.

The determination in my boys as they were challenged by Mrs. Helen to see who could pick up the most acorns out of the yard.

Watching her, admiring her strength.

These are moments planted in my mind that I will treasure.

The things she left behind are not what makes Mrs. Helen’s life a treasure, but who she was.

Today, Mrs. Helen is reminding me that who I am matters more than the things I leave behind.

Who you are matters more than the things you leave behind.

The imprint you leave on another person’s life is priceless.

Mrs. Helen gave me a second chance.  My grandparents raised me.  When they passed away, I was 19 and 21.  I was beginning my own life and  was too busy to treasure those moments with them.  I’ve spent my time without them, regretting that I didn’t soak in every ounce of wisdom they could have poured into me.  Mrs. Helen gave me a chance to get to know their generation again.

Thank you, Mrs. Helen, for your wisdom and your acceptance of the loudest neighbors on the street.  We love you and miss you.

Mrs. Helen, your estate here on earth may be up for sale but the eternal estate you’re living in now is priceless, just as the treasures are that you gave to me.

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Making the best…

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Making the best out of what may feel like the worst…

What is your worst?

Maybe it’s…

a night of drunkenness, confusion, and bad choices
a lifetime of neglect or abandonment
a failed marriage
suicidal thoughts or attempts
witnessing or being involved in domestic violence
rape or sexual abuse
murder

Maybe it’s…

financial struggles or bankruptcy
a job loss
the loss of a loved one
infertility
feeling inadequate as a spouse, parent or child
self-hatred
an eating disorder
self-injury

Maybe it’s something else.  Whatever your worst is, please know this truth…

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28

Did you hear that, friend?  You may not believe it right now but will you please read it again and plant that little piece of truth deep in your heart.  I pray that one day, you will believe it.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28

God has not given up on you…even in your worst…especially in your worst!  He is working all things for good.  Even your worst.  That’s a truth to hold tightly.

Your worst doesn’t seem very good, does it?  I know mine doesn’t.

My worst was a childhood filled with physical and sexual abuse, neglect, and abandonment by the very people who were supposed to love, nurture and protect me.  Trust was foreign to me.  Love was engulfed with lies.  Innocence was stolen, striped away.  Years went by and with every day that passed, my shame and guilt grew.  I bore the weight of acts that were never mine to carry.  I retreated into my own little world, building walls all around me.  Those walls kept people out, protected my very fragile heart, and left me incredibly lonely and scared in what I saw as a dangerous world.

Along the way, people came into my life and showed me that life didn’t have to be as scary as I once saw it.  Little by little, I began to see that I could extend a slight be of trust…though never fully…never even close to fully.  But a little was a lot at that point.

Later, my worst led to other worsts including multiple suicide attempts (read here), many years of depression and many thoughts of dying, self-injury (cutting), eating disorders, alcoholism, smoking, promiscuity, and more.  I realize at some point, I had a choice in my actions and trust me, I have paid some pretty big consequences for those choices, but I also believe, had my innocence not been crushed as a little girl, many of those worsts would not have followed.

Today, I am a wife and mother of three amazing kids.  I have been part of a wonderful church family for nearly 16 years.  I am surrounded by some incredibly loving, caring, supportive people.  I am blessed far beyond anything I ever expected.

And you know what?

Life is still hard.

But…

Out of the worst, has come the best.

My worst, though it still leaves me with extremely painful, terrifying, and crippling moments, has also highlighted my bests.  Because of the life I have lived, my heart aches to reach out to others who are hurting, who are broken, who feel damaged and worthless, to pour the love into them that I, at many times, so desperately wanted.  Compassion is something I know well.  My ability to understand pain and to withstand pain is enormous.  I have experienced many things that allow me to be able to relate to so many others in their struggles.

We all have a worst.  Our best just might come from our worst.

In my worst, one of the things I missed the most was my voice.  Innocence was stolen from me and along with it, so was my voice.  For years, I just lived through the abuse, silently.  I couldn’t tell a soul.  I had no one to tell and even if I had told, I feared what would happen.

One night, at the age of 11 years old, I prayed for God to give me the courage to tell…

And He did.

That next day was the first time I told about the sexual abuse I had been living through for years.

Telling did not magically make things better.  Honestly, in many ways, it made things worse.  A lot worse.  Life became more difficult.  That was the first time I believed it was my fault and I began to carry the weight of all the shame and guilt.

I wrote a lot.  It was my outlet, my survival.  I have always loved to write.  I haven’t always written when I should and many of the scary things have never been put into words…even on paper, but I have, over the years, written a lot.  That’s probably why I love this blog so much.  As I’ve said before, for me, writing is like the air I breathe.  It’s a lifeline.

Even though my voice was stolen, I still had words…I could write them.  Someday, I pray He will give me the courage to speak them in front of others.  Through my worst, God has shown me some of my best.  He’s used something so horrible, so dirty, so broken, and turned it into words that have reached deep into the hearts of others.

I teach Bible studies in my church.  I am so unequipped for that but God has been with me every step of the way.  He has used these classes to grow me, teach me, and draw me closer to Him, while also blessing me with the privilege and honor of getting to know some amazing people who saw something in me and took a chance on taking my classes.  I hear many thank you’s, but honestly, I feel like the one receiving all the blessings.

God has given me a voice.  What was once stolen from me, He has made new.  He has given me a platform and a voice and each day, He gives me the courage to step out and use it.  He’s given me a heart of compassion to help others through their own struggles, to reach out to them in their time of need.  I fail often.  I will continue to mess up but my intentions are good.  He gives me grace.  Each and every day, He takes the ugliness of a life gone wrong and shows me the many ways He is making it right.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 2 Corinthians 5:17

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.  Ecclesiastes 3:11

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”  Revelation 21:5

He is taking my worst and making something beautiful out of it.

Friend, He wants to do the same for you!

 

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